I can't see 'em comin down my eyes
So I gotta make the song cry
I can't see 'em comin down my eyes
So I gotta let the song cry
I know I seen 'em comin down your eyes
But I gotta make the song cry
I can't see 'em comin down my eyes
So I gotta make the song cry

Well it's been a terrible mood in the past couple hours. I seem to offend some people and that's the LAST THING. No wait that's a thing I NEVER want to do. I've already left quite a few remarks on a lot of people, so when they brought it up there's only one incident I can remember. By the way this is about someone's sexuality. Which I did not know due to the fact I did not read it properly, that's how I'm going to say it. So it's my fault that it happen. the thing is I remember him saying that he had has a homosexuality, and I didn't know. I think the remark afterwards may of sounded bad because I think because I was only talking to him not the other people.

I had already apologize to him like minutes after. But it seems some others have read and started already accusing like I was acusing him for being that way. Man just last week I was at my other site well it had been a week I came back and there was some war going on and a lot of people upset. So I'm like what in the world is going on, so when I found out some lady had someone arrested for child sex assualt. She was shaming a lot of people who had read her. The fact is when I reread through that diary I found out what happen and the lady was right. I think most people really didn't pay attention because I didn't remember this at all. And I was asking myself what the hell was I thinking and such.

I don't know what happen but everyone was pissed off and screaming at each other. The weird thing is this was most of the adults of the site, there are whole bunch of teenagers mostly there but this was the adults. And I should have been the most pissed off because she named me first and such. So I was really mad but then had calmed down, because she was right. I couldn't beleive what happen, most people did. But the problem was that she was boasting and pointing fingers and since I stayed cool and recollected I stopped her. It was just weird because it was like 23-38 year olds fighting. How the heck did I get into this since I'm still a kid myself no matter my age of being 19 years old. So I cleared most of everybody and it's over but it left a lot of people in doubt. Especially myself.

Just to see something happen again now on here. The thing is I can't defend myself very well since I hardly know anyone on here. I can't remember the comment that I left on the guys but I remember I apologize for it when he gave it to me straight and we were cool. That was couple days ago before this all happened now. I'm not here to start any trouble, everyone who reads this before already knows I already have a lot of problems to deal with. That was a mistake on my part and this is probably the 7th time I'm apologizing, since I had to say that to two people, then the guy I said it to again, and on here a few times.

I'm changing the subject a bit because it's been a crappy couple of hours. I put the whole world on my shoulders when they don't really need me at all. Do I really make a difference, and maybe I should start keeping my mouth shut. I think the reason why I don't because I had so many people come to me and just cry out thank you's and all it's unbelievable when you hear things like that. People stop hurting themselves because of me, did something good and stuff. I focus way to  much on other people and not myself, so when I'm down I'm down pretty hard. But I'm usually the one everyone looks to, just the same when I was captain for my sports taking care of 60 kids is crazy, but training them and see them get better and them thanking you for it. How can I just sit by?

So talked to my brother Brian a bit. he had been looking at some of my college stuff while I was sleeping and checking on me. It was kind of wierd that he just started doing that now. he wanted to see my essay so I gave him my latest one and I knew I wasn't  good essay writer. So when he came back he had this confused look on his face, all I did was shake my head and was like just give it back I know I suck. I mean he  gave me pointers but I can tell he was extremely worrried. That's nice I wish he did it sooner so this wouldn't be where it is. No let me say that differently, that's really all on me because I should have gotten help when I need.

I'm just sick and tired of asking for help all the time in school. I don't know if I'm good or not at anything with this. The reason why I think I got by was that because I was a good kid, heck I even taken blows to stop two other people fighting. Everytime I go to one teacher's class to drop something I end up giving a speech because he wants me to. The first person to ever get me talk about my dead brother in front of 20+ people because I had the guts to stop a fight and get booed at and stuff. Things are so strange, I wonder what the purpose I have, I know I have it, but what is it that I'm going to be good at. Sure help people maybe MAYBE, I can't even help myself so it's crossed out pretty much. Writing, hmm pretty much a joke if I'm not writing on college level and having people understanding, I can't even have my own ideas so the stories don't really matter, I do it for the heck of it. What else, sports? Hm who knows. I sure don't right now.

Well this entry is quite long but lots of stuff needed to be fix. Myself included but hopefully that guy will reply back not sure if he's mad or anything, I don't know about the other people either all I can do is hope and pray. I can't stand having people mad at me, I always apologize quickly as I can. I keeping those comments on my blog to remind me the fact that things go wrong. Not only that, for the reason that the people could have told me that hey what I said was wrong, but it doesn't mean I hate people who choose whatever they want to choose you know? Now I'm off to shed some tears then recollect myself and try to get stuff done sorry again folks.