Wow it's already April. That's pretty crazy. Has it really been that long? I know I haven't written much. It's more of the same old stuff and what not. The only new stuff is that I'm no longer going out with Kim. It was me who made that decision back at the end of Janurary and all. But as a guy I still keep going after  her in a way. We always still hang out a lot and what not. But we're not dating no nothing and all. I asked a really stupid question the other day when I gave birthday presents early because I wasn't going to be around. I asked her if there was anyboy else she liked. And of course she said yes, and OF COURSE she won't tell me who. I think we're good friends. She said she didn't know what was going on between us so she hasn't gone after it you know.

I expected it, but it's so interesting to see what a girl has to go through when they're ex is going for someone else. It'sn ot like they had a bad break up but they're not together anymore. But to see someone you still possbily like falling for someone else. Of course you're going to get worked up no matter how tough you try to be. It'll still hurt on the inside. That's why I didn't understand why she wouldn't tell me who it is because it's like what does it matter, it's going to hurt either other way. I should just try to forget about it and get back into school. As long as I get back in school I can meet new people and try to figure out what I wanna go with. I'll have to jump around loops again but I have no choice since this is the country I live in, you have to compete. So weird they show commercials of us working together yet we are at each others thoarts for all sorts of stuff.

Anyways todays my Brother Emil's birth, it would be. I need to go visit his grave soon. Maybe I'll do that on my own birthday this month (April 17th) What hurts me the most is I don't remember his voice or how he acted as much anymore. It's been 12 years since his death practically. To keep having faith in myself. It's really hard trying not to think aobut whats happen. A lot of bad stuff has happen around my birthday, so hopefully I'll be okay though. Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers I'll always need those and sorry for being around like I use to. I just didn't have anything write at the moment, but it felt good writing this stuff. We'll talk again soon.